I love that word. Complex.
I mean the word itself looks complex. There's an x in it and usually words with x's arouse notions of complexity and confusion.
Xenophobia
Xena
Xylophone
Ex-boyfriend
Experience
X-men
X-generation
XXX
You know the works. Anyways, I just finished my GRE's which means that I will resume my normal state of randomosity twinkled with a bit of crazy happy fun.
I think IMPACTFUL is a word but it isn't. I really wish it was. I think I'm mixing it up with another word but have yet to find that original word. For now, IMPACTFUL will erroneously suffice. It has also dawned on me that I have less than 2 months left before I return to the suburbs and it's probably going to go something like this:
@ Grocery store:
Wandering around the grocery store I will become saddened by the impressive array and replete nature of processed foods that I will just squat in the middle of the aisle hoping that fresh green vegetables, lively jumping fish and red blood unsanitary meat covered in flies will appear.
Announcement over the p.a. "Clean up on aisle three. There is a despondent asian girl crying in front of the spam"
@ Starbucks:
Can I have some sweet milk with my coffee?
What? 2% Soymilk with no sugar?
No, You know condense milk.
What? No we don't have that.
"Um boss there's this asian girl who just started squatting and crying and won't leave."
@ the Mall:
Hi how much is this?
Let me check the price for you. Ok $10.99
How about $9.99?
What? No ma'am it's $10.99
Oh c'mon I just volunteered in Vietnam for two years and I'm poor just give me a dollar off $9.99.
Ma'am we don't bargain here.
"Ma'am please get up, you're making a scene. Please."
@ a restaurant
What is this TIP?
Kim, you gotta give 20% TIP.
What? TIP? I can tip the table at a 20 degree angle by putting some napkins under it but that's gonna be a mess.
Kim.
What?
...
"Kim, please get off the floor. I got the tip don't worry about it."
@ 10 am calling a friend on Tuesday
Hey, wanna grab some food and drinks?
What? Kim I'm in the middle of work I'm not even suppose to be on the phone.
Yeah don't worry about it, c'mon let's grab a smoothie.
I can't.
Why? I don't get it.
BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK.
And? I have no idea what you are saying right now, you still drink and eat food don't you?
No, I can't. Here let me look at my calendar I have some time on Saturday between 2 to 3 pm does that work for you?
...
Kim? You there?
...
Kim stop crying...Ok ok, how about 2 to 3:30 pm.
Yup, and the list goes on. Be ready folks for the crying and squatting Kim. It will probably happen at regular intervals seeing that American life is pretty mundane, banal and predictable.
---
A friend told me that one of my difficult challenges will probably be relaying my experience and what I've learned to people back home. I believe this is the task of life in general as everyone has a difficult time relaying their experience and what they've learned from other people. Some of my friends have written to me telling me that their life is usual and they have nothing really to update. I believe they are wrong. Stories are how you tell them. I love to hear about little things in life, the conversation with the 10 year old, the past stories of youth, the day of doing nothing but learning something new on tv, working hard for something and accomplishing it. These small things I care about. Things that are gaudy and flashy rarely impress me. What impresses me is people who are people. People who are just themselves around me. People who work hard. People who are nice. People who care for their loved ones. People who have difficult times at home. People who share. People who laugh and make me laugh. People who find beauty in everything. People who are creative naturally and in their own way. This is what that impresses me. This to me is what is worth living for.
Many people will try to live through their materials. Materials are finite and something you can have and touch and have someone be envious of you. But there is no strength in living through your materials because in the end of the day we all do the same things. That is eat, sleep, drink, and feel. People do each one to varying degrees. Some people hide their feelings, some people eat fancy meals, some people eat to survive. I have a hard time relaying my experiences and stories to people. I have a hard time really being outgoing and connecting to people because sometimes my shyness takes over me. Actually my shyness consistently takes over and I get nervous and my insecurities turn on. My voice is really little. Some people can't hear me sometimes, or most people. It actually hurts my throat to talk too loud. I have really nice friends who are conscious of this and always ask me to speak or to hear my opinions. I appreciate that.
As for now, I am going to try to figure out ways to express myself. To create. It's really hard for me sometimes because this sense of laziness sort of overcomes me or perhaps its insecurities and this lostness I feel when I am forcing myself to do art. I'd rather be doing nothing than something. Ok, art based workshop #5 today. I'm going to teach the girls how to story tell and mural today. I have less than two hours to put it together now.
1 comment:
Your descriptions of the culture shock on your return to the US, leaving you squatting and crying, was hilarious, particularly because I can see it being so true. So many things to miss about Vietnam. Hope you're easing back into the US okay.
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