It's my time to shine.

My roomie from college Tika, who is in Berkeley, sent me a few quotes that reminded her of me:

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” 

“The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.” 

“Paradoxically though it may seem, it is none the less true that life imitates art far more than art imitates life.” 

― Oscar Wilde

I liked this a lot because I sometimes forget the true essence of my personality and my passions. It's hard to live and breathe presently. I also had a great conversation with my friend Patricia, who is in Vietnam, whose words never fall short of being super uber encouraging and supportive. She believes in me as an artist and there are only a few people who believe in me that way, less than a peace sign probably. My other friend Linh, who is in Iowa, also made me laugh across the states and reminded me of what I believe in philosophically and intrinsically (yes you did that somehow!). I pdf'ed things for Sally, who is in Torrance and who continues to be one of the few people who can make me extremely happy. My friend Hope, who is in Milpitas, understood why I was excited to take "real" showers. My friend Ai wrote the NICEST most beautifully written articulate thing that anyone's ever said about my blog.

"Oh wait, it’s more than a blog – it’s simultaneously a celebration of Vietnam, an isolated search for humanity, and a first-hand perspective of social injustices."

 There are many of you and even though I don't mention you here I think about all my friends constantly even if I haven't spoken to you in a while. These words of encouragement mean the world to me and actually spark me to continue life passionately.

My friends and family belief in me has helped me focus and will help me to believe in myself. I'm going to attack the monster called "graduate school applications" and quite frankly I'm scared shitless. When I am scared shitless I do useless things like facebook excessively and sleep and try to do everything else to avoid the thing that I am scared shitless about. I suppose I wasn't believing in myself, just like the young trafficking survivors that I met, who stopped themselves from progressing because they just didn't believe in themselves, they stopped before they tried. They didn't see the beauty in themselves. Somehow along the way their beauty was lost. Hammered and beaten out of them their beauty was lost, not missing, but just lost. Yet the girls were extremely beautiful, bright, and resilient. They have changed my life more than any "successful" person can ever do. They lived and for that I admired them. They continued to live. And now with all the hoopla of life I also feel lost but in a very good way, it's because I am fortunate enough to have lots of people who believe in me and wonderful people I met in the last two years.

 I have this fear I will forget them. I will forget what Vietnam is like. Costco will wipe any sort of soul that I have inside of me.  America as it is The thing is there are a lot of souls in America and any where you find it. Everyone has a soul, everyone has a story, and anyone can teach you something. Sometimes time and fate doesn't allow it. Sometimes the person is a douche bag. Like the idiot that walked straight on the street without getting out of my fucking way. Fucking douche bag. I contemplated walking straight first, but didn't want to make myself angry. I tried this once at the Vietnam airport and douche bag who was a grown man and had at least 20 feet of space around him PUSHED ME on my shoulder because I wouldn't move out of his way. Fucker. I'm sure he has a story too. I'm sure he's got some soul.  I'm sure that if he learned who I was and what I had done with my life, he would of never pushed me. But we remove ourselves. People remove themselves because they can't face it. They cannot face the goodness.

So this is my task, to retain my goodness and to emanate it to others. To help people recognize the goodness that was once theirs. Maybe this is why I am stressed because I think about this kind of stuff. I have friends who do this naturally. Who bring the goodness out of others and for that I admire how they can do it so effortlessly.

The other day I did some free writing because I was feeling really stuck. Things are repetitive, some don't make sense, but for some reason it helped me a bit. I thought I'd share it with you.

make the 1st move. don't be afraid. don't be embarrassed. don't think that you are not cool enough. don't think that others are cooler than you. make that connection. be friendly. reach out. connect. don't hesitate. don't be "too cool." learn to be silly. learn to speak the truth. learn to be mischievous and silly. don't take things too seriously. calm down. don't stress @ ppl problems. free on yourself. don't worry. be positive share w/ ppl. face your fears. reach out to ppl. make friends. be confident. don't be so quiet. put yourself out there. share your story. no need to hold it in in case ppl feel emotional. don't be lazy. don't wait until next time - be spontaneous. don't be a child - don't be afraid to ask questions be weird. be who you are. you are cool - you are awesome. you are funky and weird and people like that about you. be interested in ppl + ask questions. you are cool. you have something to share. you have something to teach. you are 24 years old and have traveled the world. be present don't think about what others think of you. who cares. you can only be what you strive to be. Just be. ask questions. be cheerful. be yourself. make the 1st move.

And the sun it shines - Granville Street, Vancouver, BC Canada

Punks! So COOL. Granville Street, Vancouver, BC Canada

The suburbs ain't so bad - Burnaby, BC, Canada

Japadog food stand

Ume dog

The lines, they run.