Friendship is the result of souls reacting.
Whatever it is - it's starting. Not that it ended, but I have a feeling that it's starting.
When the sun weeps - that's when you know.
---
Throw up thoughts:
Lately, I've been sleeping and waking at strange hours of the night and day. 7:09 pm 10:30 pm 7:20 am 1:12 am. I recently stopped drinking coffee. Perhaps that is it. Perhaps it's my heart stirring. Perhaps it's that thing that is deep inside me trying to surface. My eyes are all out of funk too. They are watery and feel tired. There's this painful pimple under my eye. I am seeing my eye doctor and dentist next weekend. So very excited. I might get new furniture tomorrow. I had a crush on someone for about two days. Missed him for one day. All without him knowing. Life. I also felt sad at one point in the last week or so. Empty lonely kind of sad. I haven't felt one of those in a long time, only in America would I feel that way. Never in Vietnam. Never. Someone reached out to me - and for that I am extremely thankful. It is now 12:14 am. I wonder if I will have a funky sleep scheduled. I laughed a lot today. I really loved that. I tried to buy a bike today. I'm so short. I can't find a bike in America that will fit me that's no children size. What the fuck. Someone asked me if I could speak English. Someone asked me if I was at least 18 so I can apply for a credit. Fuck you. I think I have trouble making eye contact. I need to curl my hair. I need to make my doctor appointments. I need to furnish my apartment. I need to reload my music playlist. I need to stop my carpel tunnel. I need to help my shoulder heel. I am on facebook like all the time. I don't know how to say no. I'm sexy I think. I feel really ugly. I need to dance. I need to relax. RELAX. Take it easy. Don't let things get to you. I fell asleep with the lights on again. I'm so lazy. I'm so lonely. I'm so achingly shy. I'm borderline extro-introverted. Whatever that means. I just want you to like me! Where is my red lip stick? I need to get my finances organized. I need to have fun. I need to find a date for my best friend's wedding. I have time now - what do I do? Facebook. I like board games. Life is sorta hard. Life is great! I love my life. I love my job. I'm stressed at my job. What if I don't do a good job? I like how lives intertwine. Do you like me? I'm nervous. I really need to go on a date since it's been over 2 years. Maybe 3. I lost count. Driving is fun! Driving really sucks. I wonder if the car next to me is looking at me. Do I look cool? My car is shit. I'm so lucky to be me. Some people are so lame. Some people are so amazing. Wow, I feel awkward.
Moments.
I got 99 problems but a
---
The holiday that I hate most is coming up. But alas, the only thing I can do with things I hate is to deal with them positively. So I write - and will probably bake and go to happy hour.
Why? Why can't you just out of the blue love me unconditionally? Why can't you see that I could potentially love you love you? Why can't you see that I love every aspect of you. Your mistakes. Your asshole-ness. Your insecurities? Why can't you read my mind? Why can't you read my eyes? Why can't you read my mind? Why is that? Why love, do you have to be something so scary? Why do I have to be so lonely to understand what love really means yet still feel that I don't have it? WTF love. What the fuck.
Sometimes the city loves me. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the city lights say hello to me. Sometimes the potholes flirt. I ignore them. Purposefully. Sometimes the signs make me extremely sad - they try to tell me something but don't engage me per say. Strangers walk by me. Vessels of experiences, stories, feelings, fears and emotions - all to be reduced to a breeze that passes by me. How unfortunate. How unfortunate it is that I let it only be a breeze because my experiences, stories, feelings, fears and emotions don't come out too well when I talk. Sometimes people just smell. Sometimes people are weird. Life. Can't really let it bother you too much. I think it's okay to think about things because the human brain is full of capacity. Or is it? Sometimes the lights try to get my attention. Unfortunately I'm focused on the road. The cracked road that treats me poorly. Yet, I have to focus on the road because the lights may lead me a stray. The lights may make me crash. The lights may hurt me.
