Yo, I'm back.

Having recently discovered that I have not blogged in OVER A YEAR. I (along with the help of my therapist) thought I'd change that.

I know exactly what happened. I can pretend and say "I have no idea what happened!" to let an entire year go by without ever writing a single thought down in my bloggy blog (except lots of contrasting anxiety-filled scratch scratch, career to-do's and positive affirmations in my journal). I back tracked though, like a tired and weary detective having to do a job that they don't want to do. Dec 2017 was when I transitioned to a new job at the same place that I was working at because I was feeling unhappy where I was at.

I took the risk, I went for it, and if I wasn't happy then I would find my way. I trusted myself. Or maybe I was just looking for an out.

Fast forward to end of February, I figured out within 2 months that the job I was in wasn't the right one. I was feeling lonely and felt that I wasn't growing or developing. I felt that I took a few steps back (literally took a lower level position) and was no longer progressing past my peak.

I expressed my sadness to my friend Sally, and I kept making up excuses on why I shouldn't be looking for another job. "Why don't you just start now?" "Oh..yeah, you're right."

And then out of the three jobs I applied for, they were jobs I wanted and I felt would provide me a huge growth opportunity. By the end of March, I was staring at a job offer of my imagination. I took the leap, got the one that I really wanted and moved to Falls Church, VA to be closer to work. I said goodbye to my lovely furniture, to being close to Bilal, and moved in with my Auntie. I reached new personal career milestones that I could of never imagined had I stayed where I was. I reached, I jumped far, I fell, I hurt myself, others threw rocks at me but I climbed.

I gave my 4 weeks notice at the end of March, went home to California for a week and then started my new job in May. Half a year gone so quickly. All reaching, moving, change, shift, discomfort, and happiness.

May, June, and July was strange for reasons I won't say here except for very negative energy entering my life. But come July, that was gone and began a much awaited healing process but it was painful, full of crying, but I came out alright in the end. I still am healing and am just beginning. Writing is a path to that. Talking about it is a path to that. Strengthening my relationship with Bilal is a path to that. Seeing and connecting to my friends is another.

Aug-Dec was a whirlwind of adjustments - and a healing process that was not clear, full of ups and down. Full of PTSD, falling back, and then moving forward.

Then came January 2019 - things got much better, the negative energy PTSD crap dissipated and I am starting to come back.

2018 was about a lot of change and me not handling it so gracefully, but at the same time HANDLING IT FUCKING GRACEFULLY

Thank you Universe.

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Things to remember:
Examine the small things, the details, the stillness.