Staying put does not mean settled...or does it?

I've been trying to grapple this idea for a bit - what it means when I tell myself that I want to stay put, that I want to be near my family, and that I want to be here for a "while" seeing that I have been moving for the last six years. I feel like this is what my inner core is telling me, no need to runaway anymore, everything has always been right in front of you. I try to tell myself this because sometimes I don't believe it - I sit at my desk and I don't believe it. I'm frustrated, a bit angry, annoyed, and uncomfortable. Suburbs.

I'm not sure what that means but I never really see things in one dimension, always digging through the layers of things mentally. I know that settled doesn't really mean settled - just because I'm not on a plane every month (which at one point I was) does not mean I have settled. I think the human mind can never be settled. There are many things to look forward too - focus on the positive.

Okay, this was really just a small reminder to myself as most of my blog posts are - I get caught up in life sometimes. This week has been a challenging one in preparing myself for interviews - It's one that requires me to reflect on myself and also my vision for the future - it also requires me to communicate to others my experiences and what I went through in a short amount of time - another good thing. It requires me to be vulnerable. I'm a bit exhausted, my shoulder muscle hurts, and my neck is stiff but gonna truck through this strong. Anyways I was in the desert this past week - one thing that I really really missed when I was in Vietnam was mountains and hills and the very very blue sky of California.

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My walls are achingly blank - I'm in transition so my walls have yet to be filled - I have two things up and want to put more up, to help remind me what I like, what inspires me, what is beautiful and what is possible.

For now it's blank.