And the rain washes away the tears that
Stain your marble skin that erase your soul from your sin
And after the snow falls
And rivers, once frozen, begin to thaw as we
Sit by the fire
Your heart, your lips, your eyes I still admire
Oh Kathryn,
Oh Kathryn,
Where are you now?
- Mother Falcon, Kathryn
SUCH A GREAT BAND AND SONG. Fills up my heart.
30.10.13
20.10.13
18.10.13
17.10.13
Two things on my cooking list:
Chana Masala
and
Creme potato soup
Grocery Needs:
Flour
Butter
Milk
Tumeric
Red Onion
Cumin Coriander Powder
Tomatoes
Fresh Ginger
Lemon or line
Scallions
Cilantro
Chickpeas
Sea Salt/Kosher Salt
and
Creme potato soup
Grocery Needs:
Flour
Butter
Milk
Tumeric
Red Onion
Cumin Coriander Powder
Tomatoes
Fresh Ginger
Lemon or line
Scallions
Cilantro
Chickpeas
Sea Salt/Kosher Salt
16.10.13
Appreciating humbleness.
And what it really means vs showing off. When you show off is it for the benefit of others or for yourself?
---
"that's a fucking quotable card status roomie"
warms my heart lol.
---
"that's a fucking quotable card status roomie"
warms my heart lol.
14.10.13
13.10.13
When your heart yearns for more
listen to it.
---
Your life is the story. Be the story teller and tell it.
---
"It's right up your alley," they tell me. That's when I know I might be headed in the right direction.
---
Addresses are still special because you can never digitalize home. You can never undermine the meaning of home and what it means to a person. Home is all we know and home is what we have, even if it's not physically there. Addresses are special because it's a physical location to someone.
---
Your life is the story. Be the story teller and tell it.
---
"It's right up your alley," they tell me. That's when I know I might be headed in the right direction.
---
Addresses are still special because you can never digitalize home. You can never undermine the meaning of home and what it means to a person. Home is all we know and home is what we have, even if it's not physically there. Addresses are special because it's a physical location to someone.
9.10.13
A repost 11.18.11
I thought I'd repost something I wrote a few years ago while in Vietnam. As I'm reading my old posts, it really makes me miss the days abroad when I had hours to reflect and experiences to be had. Just reminding myself why I'm here, the source of my inspiration, and to what is possible. (Also, the level at which I used to write. ha.)
"Thoughts on a Thursday. I have this uncanny knack to see people as human before anything else. Sometimes I meet people and wonder what their fears are, what they were like as a child, and how they were brought up. This is what makes them human. I don't wonder what they do for work, how much they've accomplished on paper, or how many awards they've gotten. I don't really care what type of cars you have, how much money you make, how artsy you are. I think everyone has a story. I wonder what they are like as a human.
Sometimes I can read straight through people, and I think they can sense it too. They meet me and they can tell that I can read straight through their facade of confidence and barriers and see who they truly are. They are scared that I can do this. What they don't know is that I won't judge them. People think that when they lay their vulnerabilities out there for people to see, they will be judged. Yet, that is probably the last thing on my mind when I meet someone. I see their beauty. I see their potential. I see the goodness that's always been inside them. The goodness that I believe all children are born with.
It's the goodness that allows a child to speak frankly. It's the goodness where jealously stems from. It's the goodness that tries to be validated. The fall of goodness however, is that it is easily trampled. The goodness that is inside us likes to retreat, likes to hide, because it is sensitive. Goodness that shines is a feat in itself.
I'm human too, I hide my goodness all the time. I hide it because I don't want to be hurt, and it's a huge huge mountain to get over, to let your goodness shine, yet when it does there's nothing that can trample it, there's nothing that can stop it."
Sometimes I can read straight through people, and I think they can sense it too. They meet me and they can tell that I can read straight through their facade of confidence and barriers and see who they truly are. They are scared that I can do this. What they don't know is that I won't judge them. People think that when they lay their vulnerabilities out there for people to see, they will be judged. Yet, that is probably the last thing on my mind when I meet someone. I see their beauty. I see their potential. I see the goodness that's always been inside them. The goodness that I believe all children are born with.
It's the goodness that allows a child to speak frankly. It's the goodness where jealously stems from. It's the goodness that tries to be validated. The fall of goodness however, is that it is easily trampled. The goodness that is inside us likes to retreat, likes to hide, because it is sensitive. Goodness that shines is a feat in itself.
I'm human too, I hide my goodness all the time. I hide it because I don't want to be hurt, and it's a huge huge mountain to get over, to let your goodness shine, yet when it does there's nothing that can trample it, there's nothing that can stop it."
8.10.13
It's about time.
I'm rather disappointed at myself for allowing heartbreak to consume me hence the dedication of so many blogposts to it. I suppose this is the strongest feeling inside me at times, and I find that strange. From now on, no more. I must focus on the other things that are in my life - after reading my old blog posts, I recognize a certain beauty that I used to see. I haven't had the time to soak up the beauty of my surroundings really. Perhaps it's because I've been so out of wack as of late. I need to stop taking up my consciousness capital on past things that I no longer have control over.
It is a pressing time to change myself from within, to overcome fears like there is no tomorrow, make mistakes, and be just fucking awkward without feeling bad about it. It's about time that I am myself again. It's about time that I let it shine. It's about time that I make eye contact with folks. Smile. Take the time to breathe and recall the worth that is in me.
It's about time.
7.10.13
I feel the tides shifting.
And ever so gently, it flows over the crevices and cracks, flooding the emptiness that was.
I love what I love and that's that. I am what I am and that's that. Fuck "it is what it is." As if that's a sufficient explanation for the hurt and pain that's about to come. Little do people know of the toll that the human spirit takes when selfishness and fear takes the lead over goodness and love.
---
I get it. I get it. I get it.
I get it. I get it. I get it.
I get it. I get it. I get it.
I get it. I get it. I get it.
Do you?
---
Celebrate for others.
---
I need to work on me.
Practice makes whatever.
---
Celebrate for others.
---
I need to work on me.
Practice makes whatever.
5.10.13
I'm sure one day I will find the one who will jump on the plane with me.
Rather than say goodbye to me at the airport.
3.10.13
Out of the depths of idleness.
I'm sitting rather tired on the 4th floor of my school. The night previous, I had done that thing again where I knock out from exhaustion like there is no tomorrow, forgetting to brush my teeth, shower and turn off the lights. Any who, sometimes I forget how amazing this institution is - how privilege intersects with my experiences, brings me to a different level and how a few years ago I dreamed of being in this space. One example is that my advisor, who is a leading expert in refugee and humanitarian assistance - worked in the refugee camp that my mom and family were in - in Thailand. By a matter of generations, the daughter of a refugee finds herself in this institution. It is a space of great privilege. I have been uncomfortable for the last few days for a multitude of reasons. One in particular is voice - and my daily struggles of expressing myself verbally, clearly, and openly without fear. This can be something as simple as raising my hand in class to ask a question or stating what I think right at that moment without fear of non acceptance. The school, faculty, colleagues make me realize that voice is all I have and I must speak. It's a strange concept and for the last few days I have been grappling with it full on. The other day I was invited by my work place to join them in a special dinner with their advisory board, faculty, etc because they had extra seats. Right before that I skipped class to attend this talk focused on women's health and rights about gender based violence, trafficking, and more. I was really inspired and afterwards there was this really nice reception. But onto the special dinner, I'm not sure how to describe my feelings about it, but imagine being in a room with multiple people whose work you greatly admire and strive to one day be a part of. Yup. I was quiet, embarrassed by my blue hair and very underdressed, but the experience was wonderful. I'm also uncomfortable because I am at the cusp of exactly where I want to be and I feel a shift coming.
Yes, I do understand that in a space of immense privilege, I need to take a step back and examine what it means in the context of others and where I came from. I must understand the dynamics that go in perpetuating oppression and silencing of voices. But hey, I have a year.
I never really feel good about staying at home because then I start thinking about it. I'll start thinking about it. Just a small glimpse of him sets me off. Then what? What do I do from there? What can I say about idleness? Here [in America] idleness is not okay. However, idleness in Vietnam is an amazing feeling. I reveled in idleness there and felt really good about it. Being still. Here idleness makes me feel guilty and sadness seeps in. Idleness is not okay but isn't it? When will it go away? This worries me.
Stop wasting time thinking about it.
I often study in a quiet naturally sunlit room on the 4th floor. My exhaustion was starting to make me feel sad and loneliness was starting to creep in, thoughts about him in particular. But just then, I receive an email of research that I'm very interested in - the light started to shine exactly on me and nowhere else. I found this rather moving and am not sure what to make of it. Perhaps they are just telling me that everything will be okay.
---
I just watched a commercial about ne-yo and his creative process in writing on youtube. It was surprisingly inspiring! Yes, this blog post was inspired by ne-yo.
---
Vessels. I forget this all the time (which is probably why I blog so much.) but I forget the vessel of experiences that I hold and what this means as a person who intertwines with others. I sometimes am so earthly that I forget the spiritual aspect of things that keep me uplifted.
Yes, I do understand that in a space of immense privilege, I need to take a step back and examine what it means in the context of others and where I came from. I must understand the dynamics that go in perpetuating oppression and silencing of voices. But hey, I have a year.
I never really feel good about staying at home because then I start thinking about it. I'll start thinking about it. Just a small glimpse of him sets me off. Then what? What do I do from there? What can I say about idleness? Here [in America] idleness is not okay. However, idleness in Vietnam is an amazing feeling. I reveled in idleness there and felt really good about it. Being still. Here idleness makes me feel guilty and sadness seeps in. Idleness is not okay but isn't it? When will it go away? This worries me.
Stop wasting time thinking about it.
I often study in a quiet naturally sunlit room on the 4th floor. My exhaustion was starting to make me feel sad and loneliness was starting to creep in, thoughts about him in particular. But just then, I receive an email of research that I'm very interested in - the light started to shine exactly on me and nowhere else. I found this rather moving and am not sure what to make of it. Perhaps they are just telling me that everything will be okay.
---
I just watched a commercial about ne-yo and his creative process in writing on youtube. It was surprisingly inspiring! Yes, this blog post was inspired by ne-yo.
---
Vessels. I forget this all the time (which is probably why I blog so much.) but I forget the vessel of experiences that I hold and what this means as a person who intertwines with others. I sometimes am so earthly that I forget the spiritual aspect of things that keep me uplifted.
