Loose leaves.

I have this wonderful opportunity to start all over again and to build something new over here. I can rebuild and rebuild and it wears on me, but at the end of it all life is about building and growing. That's what makes you feel alive doesn't it? At least that's what makes me feel. If I did not face my fears and overcome them in this manner than what else is there to do than to go to work and retreat in the usual?

I know I'm seeing and feeling many things for the first time. The east coast is a different story and I have a feeling I'm suppose to stay here so I can see what lays ahead. My friend Lillian once told me (about Vietnam) "opportunities will pop up that you'll never imagine" and I've taken this to heart ever since and approach life in this manner. When I am most scared, I think of that possibility.

I also think about the time I jumped from a waterfall in Laos and how scared I felt. I was SO SCARED. But I had manage to get to the edge with the encouragement of an Australian man (who was rather handsome) whose spirit and kindness I will always remember. He didn't have to help me but he did and that meant the world to me. I really really wanted to jump. And imagine standing on the edge of a stunning light turquoise gushing waterfall having walked already on the edge, staring down at the abyss and massive unknown (having seen other taller people jump with no harm.) I didn't know what was below, in fact it could of been anything, but I wanted to jump so bad, but I was scared. So I held my breadth and just said FUCK IT after moments of hesitation because it was my decision: me, myself and I. Did it feel good? Absolutely.

I cannot imagine my future because I don't know what's really there. I can only take in what is in the present and move forward with what I have and the things that surround me.  I have to remember that. That this is what it is. This is it. There is not another time. At the same time there is balance - to not overwhelm yourself in thinking that now is the only time. Balance.