I have a fever and a headache that won't go away.

Laying under the mosquito net, with my unprotected feet hanging out, the pounding veins of my head leave me careless or apathetic about the situation. Go ahead. Bite me. I wake up in a cold sweat. Feeling rather dazed since I don't understand why the air conditioning feels so hot and why I'm laying in the wrong direction in my bed. What the fuck. I don't want to turn. I'm too weak. God I'm sweaty. I lay there for a little bit. Not really able to move. Not really wanting to, tangled in my mosquito net. Where is my pillow? I somehow manage to drag myself into the original position I fell asleep in. My eyes grow heavy and I doze off and wake up in and out I go. My head hurts.

This sorta reminds me of this one time I had been really sick and got a pretty high fever and I took some really strong generic nyquil as a kid. I hallucinated. Feeling rather disorientated I was convinced I needed to make a planet so my friend wouldn't die. I recall twirling my hand in the air as big as I could. I jump to my brother's bed hoping he would make it stop (You try being a 4'11" asian girl trying to make a planet bigger than earth without freaking out.)

"Uhhhhh Jeff I don't feel so good." 

"Just go to sleep." 

A very appropriate little brother answer to a big sister hallucinating type of situation. Returning to my current situation some few hours pass. I think the blue light from outside begins to take over the blackness that was there. Man, I don't feel so good. Why is it so fucking hot? I'm cold. I manage to get up to blindly press some buttons on my air conditioning remote. I think I made the room hotter. The blood rushes to my head and it hurts. My knees are week and I somehow manage to text my Vietnamese teacher that I cannot attend class. Around 9 am I'm still in my doremon shirt. I put on tights to go downstairs. I tell my staff members that I have a fever and a really big headache. I've also had chest discomfort for the last two days leaving me rather fatigued and my 2nd period of the month started (TMI, sorry). I see the doctor tomorrow.

A friend noted it may be psychological. I wonder if it is. I wonder if my body is reacting this way because I'm scared for the next year. Another year in Vietnam. I don't think I am sad per say. I'm over that part. I just feel rather stuck, stuck in my insecurities. Faces that had become familiar have left me. I'm out of my comfort zone again. I easily fall into the comfort of being hidden, of allowing others to act for me, make decisions for me, be the one that pushes me to do things. I haven't pushed myself out of my limits in a very long time I believe I am doing so now all alone in my mama's homeland. My body reacting quite horribly to it.

Hopefully I get out of this physical funk very soon. I think my body is trying to teach me a lesson. I ain't gonna be all hunky dory forever! Whatever. I took some strong pain killers and now I can listen to music without it hurting me. As for now, I feel a really strong need to profess my love for Toro y Moi. I am still procrastinating working on my music blog because I want to make it great. And with all the things I want to make great I usually put it off for a very long time out of fear of starting it. 

My affinity for men in tight pants and curly hair doesn't falter with Toro y Moi. But besides being outrageously adorable and talented, Chaz Bundick hails from South Carolina, he's mixed race, he even references his parents in his interviews and not scared to show his soft side. I'm smitten.

Snippets of his interview - for the rest please click here.

I was curious about the title of the album: Causers of This. Who are the causers and what are they causing?

Girls. Girls are the causers.

And they cause the music?

Yeah. There's one girl that mainly caused that album, I guess you could say. It ended up being like a concept, but I wasn't going for that at all, that's the only thing I could write about at the time.

Is "Freak Love" about her too?

No, the whole album's kind of about this post breakup lifestyle of mine. I dated this girl for four years and some of the songs are about me meeting other girls and it's just not working out. I'm trying to get over it and I'm still obsessing over the previous girlfriend. So "Freak Love " is about this one girl I met, she said that she's into polygamy. Totally freaked me out, I was like what? She wasn't joking.

...

That really goes together with the beginning lyrics of the song, too, "come home in the summer / live a life that you miss."

Yeah when I saw the video I kind of teared up because there was one part where my ex-girlfriend was in there, I give her a hug in the beginning.