Every morning the muted sunshine gently whispers and asks if he can help me rise to the occasion. He tickles my dreams and impatiently waits for me to awake. Sometimes I purposely ignore him, so I can feel his warmth linger - waiting in eagerness. Seconds seemingly suspended, time asleep, and drowsiness overcomes. He waits.
Thoughts enter. They rise, but never surface. Instead, schedules, tasks, and calendars take over. I forget the possibilities of occasions and I retreat in the unfortunate comforts of routine. Is it really comfort I am finding myself in?
The tired leaves fall, unable to hold on to what once, was.
---
Why does my heart break when I think someone is not listening to me? When someone is ignoring me? Why does my heart drop when I think I am not liked? Why do I think that? What is it about the vulnerabilities of the human condition that inhibit people from reaching their potential? What drives you? What motivates one to live fully and whole heartily?
---
Have you ever stared at hopelessness in the face? Have it cry to you? Have it reveal itself to you? It's something that will stay with me always no matter how much I try to forget.
On another note - I live in L.A. it's a big city. A wandering lost city. A city that doesn't quite know itself. It's as if the city is overwhelmed and the people try to deal with it by thinking that life in this city is normal. They sit in their cars. Eat at restaurants. Listen to music on their headphones. They try. I try to think that my life is normal. I try to play it normal but perhaps I cannot hold it in much longer. I don't think I can and haven't really been able to but that is life. Life is life. This is it.
It will have difficulties if you let it, and I am letting it be. I am having difficulties and being honest with it. No one can really help me. But I'm not seeking help. I'm seeking support I suppose, but not support like "help me get over this transition" Not that way. I don't need that kind of support. I need the kind of support that reminds me of who I am. There's a difference. From old friends and new. To stay true to myself. How do I stay true to myself when everything about myself feels like they may be in another place?
Transport yourself. Transport your dreams, your hopes, your experiences. Transport them. Share them with others, make them real, and be honest with them. Don't ignore them, don't invalidate them, share them. Say what is on your mind and speak it. I'm really tired of people not knowing who I am or what I've experienced. I suppose I miss that. I miss people who just...get me and know me.
Alright, I whined enough. I'll probably keep whining but I have the right to whine.
---
Let the sun SHINE.
Thoughts enter. They rise, but never surface. Instead, schedules, tasks, and calendars take over. I forget the possibilities of occasions and I retreat in the unfortunate comforts of routine. Is it really comfort I am finding myself in?
The tired leaves fall, unable to hold on to what once, was.
---
Why does my heart break when I think someone is not listening to me? When someone is ignoring me? Why does my heart drop when I think I am not liked? Why do I think that? What is it about the vulnerabilities of the human condition that inhibit people from reaching their potential? What drives you? What motivates one to live fully and whole heartily?
---
Have you ever stared at hopelessness in the face? Have it cry to you? Have it reveal itself to you? It's something that will stay with me always no matter how much I try to forget.
On another note - I live in L.A. it's a big city. A wandering lost city. A city that doesn't quite know itself. It's as if the city is overwhelmed and the people try to deal with it by thinking that life in this city is normal. They sit in their cars. Eat at restaurants. Listen to music on their headphones. They try. I try to think that my life is normal. I try to play it normal but perhaps I cannot hold it in much longer. I don't think I can and haven't really been able to but that is life. Life is life. This is it.
It will have difficulties if you let it, and I am letting it be. I am having difficulties and being honest with it. No one can really help me. But I'm not seeking help. I'm seeking support I suppose, but not support like "help me get over this transition" Not that way. I don't need that kind of support. I need the kind of support that reminds me of who I am. There's a difference. From old friends and new. To stay true to myself. How do I stay true to myself when everything about myself feels like they may be in another place?
Transport yourself. Transport your dreams, your hopes, your experiences. Transport them. Share them with others, make them real, and be honest with them. Don't ignore them, don't invalidate them, share them. Say what is on your mind and speak it. I'm really tired of people not knowing who I am or what I've experienced. I suppose I miss that. I miss people who just...get me and know me.
Alright, I whined enough. I'll probably keep whining but I have the right to whine.
---
Let the sun SHINE.
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