Today.

I just wanted to say that I feel extremely happy today.
All in the company of good people even in conversations with strangers.
My hearts so full and I see the tides shifting. Thanks.

Whoa.

"CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now that Mars is beginning his lengthy retrograde through your solar 4th, Cancer, you can expect surprising shifts and energy-surges revolving around your relationship to the concept of home in the months to come—yes, even in light of any thoughts that you'd already made plenty of progress in this arena over these past months. 'Home' is a broad topic, of course, which covers your literal residential dwelling, its décor, and those you share it with; the geographic locale where you currently live, the one you fondly remember and/or the one you yearn for; the family relations (whether blood or not) who help provide you a sense of emotional security (or fall short in doing so), and your own efforts to do the same. One or more of these thematic sectors is likely, therefore, to demonstrate continuedunsettledness… which needn't equal disaster but probably involves a handful of irritants that'll demand your attention, on behalf of ultimately securing greater internal peace-of-mind. This week especially, please keep your eye on that big life-anchoring prize. Between possible jolts in your career zone and the lovely-but-potentially-sidetracking influence of certain relationships, self-assuredly rooting your own intentions is presently a full-time job."


dead on.

Perhaps I don't need to go anywhere but here.

Let's see.

Maybe love is always in the wrong timezone.

I hear you on that.


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My wise roomie4life: "It feels subtle no? It's still a day full of extra love but I see it as a day to remind ourselves to love each other in order to maximize capacity as many days of the year as possible. A day to be reminded to be intentionally romantic if it is not your strength."

I get excited over really good sentence structure.

And I'm alright with that.

This Valentine's Day I'm going to not be scared of myself.

With the inauspicious date approaching, I brainstormed a myriad of ways to not be by myself both literally and figuratively.

Hang out with friends.
Watch a movie in my apartment.
Drink wine.
Go to a bar.

Like all Friday nights, I try not to be by myself because I fall into what I'd like to call a Lonely Friday Night Spiral. It's the fact that whenever I stay in on a Friday I get pretty sad and lonely. Then I start thinking about the things I don't have, the things I want, and my mind wanders to thoughts of wanting to settle, wanting to find the one, and self deprecating thoughts of how much of a loser I feel.

Well fuck that.

On one of these nights, I asked myself: Why are you so scared to be by yourself?

Where is my self contentment? Where is the love for myself? Where is that all knowing happiness that one gets when all is good? Why does it have to come from another? Can it truly come from others?

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I'll spend Valentine's day with friends yes, I'll maybe do some art and send them to friends! That sounds like a good idea.

Thoughts on a Sunday.

I hope the world really hears me this time around.

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I guess I finally did it.

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I've sorta had this crazy (not so crazy) colorful life adventure through several cities and countries and my heart is just ready to have one in one place with one person, to not let that part of me be the empty part, and let the colors of life fill in a different fashion. Sometimes I have strong feelings, I believe it will happen, and then it will. I haven't had strong feelings in a while. There isn't a place that I really really want to be and for the first time in my life I have no idea where to go next. I don't really want to wander. I know I want to solidify my roots. There's one thing for the world to fill that empty for you. There's another to try to fill it yourself with consistency. Sorta like when one thing in your life is constant, you are free to focus your energy that are of your heart's content. I'm a strong believer that with idleness comes creativity. With Ugly comes Good. That without one the other cannot exist.

Sunday Funday.

Even though this came from those dumb lists of life things you should know before the age of whatever, I loved this:

You are going to have moments of unbearable loneliness.  You need to learn how to love being with yourself, because ultimately, no one has the potential to love you like you can.  It is beautiful to love and be loved, but these are just hints as to how to regard yourself.  If you regard yourself highly, and learn to turn loneliness into soothing solitude, you will be capable of giving and receiving truly transformative love.

via here.