Creepy man story telling time

I have a friend name Diane and I miss her very much along with the men that she unknowingly attracts. She has this unfortunate magnetic tendency to evoke weird men to strike up awkward conversations with her, enough of them where I can now dedicate a section of my blog solely for the purpose of telling these stories to you. And if you know Diane, she really does absolutely nothing to attract these men.

[via]

Story #1: Clean-up on aisle flirting.

"Kimmmmmmmie, a creepy man came up to me...."

While shopping at my favorite grocery store of all time, Diane and I get separated. She is going to make a vegetarian meal because today was the day to eat vegetarian food. She is standing in front of the vegetarian meat/tofu section. A man, we will name him "poor pick-up line man" comes up to her and asks her a question. Note that Diane is completely unprepared for such a question, because:

1. She does not work there

2.  Her mind is fully focused on which vegetarian meat taste most like real meat.

He asks,

"Do you know where the flirting aisle is?" 

"What? The protein aisle?"

And as I think about this, he probably felt his ego hit, such as when you tell a joke and your friend doesn't hear you, so you repeat it again, but since you said it with such anticipation the first time already the punchline is no longer a PUNCH but more so a nudge.

So "poor pick-up line man" repeats his question (I'd imagine rather dismally): Do you know where the flirting aisle is?"

Nudge.

To which Diane replies with a combination of realization and disgust,

"Ohhhhhh....no" (With a headshake, according to Diane's accounts).

Then what proceeds is pathetic small talk to recuperate from the failed flirting where Diane learns useless information about him. Good try "poor pick-up line man," good try.