waking

up from the longest nap of my life, that started around 2pm and ended around 10 pm woops. i realized that I am very challenged in Vietnam.

No no, this has nothing to do with my nap, just relevations at random moments of silence when your stirring on the coach while the air condition whirs in the background and the only sounds you hear are the soft footsteps of the person living above.

I am on a constant mental roller coaster being here, insecurities surface or insecurities recognized due to many things. I think I've become quiet reclusive compared to who I was in college and I think this began around senior year, or maybe as far off as my study abroad days.

Regardless, its a challenge that I face almost every time I am in a new environment or with people I know but not know too well. I have to remind myself you are what you are to people, you have to be confident and that silence really gets you know where (but also being a loud ass may not as well).

I'm not sure if I was "made" to be quiet, my throat hurts when I talk too long, alcohol makes my face red and my heart feel funny, and I'm little. But as I list this I realize that these are really stupid assumptions that I need to just check mah self with.


Check.

Alot of it at first had to do with the language and figuring out my role at the organization that I work with. Pacific Links Foundation and their ADAPT project. Alot of it was learning how to break free from my already established routines and gettin' over it.


Gettin' over my weird random thoughts, memories, and whatever the fuck that I learned these last 20 something years of my life. Maybe not necessarily gettin' over it, but know that this journey is new, unlike any other journey that I have taken, that I will not be familiar with anything as much as I tried. That things will catch me unexpected, that people I will meet will be my friends will not be my friends, and that the world is so much more complicated that my little mind could ever possibly wrap around.