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One week at work I had two separate staff members either give me attitude, raise their voices at me, or yell at me. I was not having a good time and was getting frustrated at people's anger and unnecessary rude attitude. So of course when talking to my boss I let it out,
"YOUR staff keeps yelling and getting mad at me!!!"
"...what do you mean "your," you're part of the staff too, that makes no sense"
"Yes it does! It's your staff!"
A few minutes pass...I remember how my mom does that...
"Man, I totally just tried to shift the blame on you for no reason."
My boss is not at fault for my staff members actions and it made absolutely no sense (non-sequitor) for me to do that.
It was so natural though, that's what so scary and shocking about it. Made me wonder how often arguments and disagreements occur because someone is trying to shift the blame somewhere else. Because they are trying to deal with an emotion or situation and they don't know how. The only way they know how to deal with things emotionally is to make it so it's someone else who is causing it. Someone else who is charge or responsible for the way you feel.
I do it all the time. It feels really good to use the word "your."
"Your stupid ass shut the door on my foot"
"Your idiot dog pooped and I stepped on it"
"Your Your Your!"
That's why people hurt others when they feel hurt themselves. That's why people try to make others feel like shit because they feel like shit. It's not so productive.
I was just butt hurt and taking things personal with people yelling at me that I tried to deal with it by giving the agony to someone else. Deal with it yourself and don't let others fight your internal problems for you, it can only be overcome by you. Take ownership.
A small lesson learned with such clarity.
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