UUHHHH!!!

I'm so tired of coughing. It has returned. Try going through 8 hours of lecture with an itching cough that won't stop. I coughed during my trip. I cough during class. I cough through the night. I cough everywhere and it's difficult to function.

Fuck.

This is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

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On a lighter note I started a job as a research assistant and I'm really loving the opportunity. It is so nuanced, connected, great people and I'm really excited to start it. Out of everything this is what I look forward to doing - getting my hands dirty with literature review.  I will be helping with the Key Populations Project at the Center for Health and Human Rights they conduct research with HIV issues among MSM, Sex Workers and Injection Users.

Lots of things are happening and moving fast. At the same time my illness is putting a pause to it. It's interesting when life moves quickly around you but when you are not physically able or your energy is super low then it becomes exceedingly difficult. Health is so important in life. When you don't have it - you can't live it as you used to. Today I canceled on a friend because I couldn't stop coughing and thought my body needed a break. This sucks. I'm trying to keep my head up but at some point I can't help but feel I may fall and break down. Trying to avoid that or perhaps I am in denial and it has/is already happening. Maybe this is what life is. This up and down roller coaster. This is what life is. Trial after trial which is what brings flavor to life.

Lately, I've been staring at facebook and getting depressed at how great everyone's life is. Then I realize that facebook is stupid. The other day I went to see Nick Offerman perform at a theatre. (It's Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec for those that don't know.) He went on a few rants, or rather his entire performance was a rant with his chuckle that he only does when his character is excited about something. One of his rants was how he was addicted to his phone and how stupid that was. It's stupid and I don't know how to step away from it sometimes. Sometimes I just put my phone away.

I want to feel energy and happiness! I think this school and money stress is starting to get to me and I need to find ways to balance stress, energy and my happiness. Perhaps it is because there are so many things occurring at once, so many people to connect to, that I don't have time to process it all. The support is there. The smiles and hugs. The people. Just need to reach out and be open.

Enjoy the simple things.